The first thing to remember is that it does get easier as time goes on.
Telling yourself you won't be able to touch until you're married is very daunting. Try telling yourself (not your spouse) that you want to make sure there is a connection on all other levels before you fog it with physical intimacy.
Just focus on being abstinant “for now.” In other words, like when you are trying to push yourself to exercise, if you tell yourself you have to run 3 miles, you may never get off the couch, but if you tell yourself you need to get outside with your running shoes on, that is an easier goal - then, you tell yourself you need to run to the park and back. Once you get to the park, you are more likely to run around it once or twice, etc.
As you may (or may not) know, once a relationship goes physical, physicality defines the relationship for a bit of time. That's one way people end up in relationships that are purely physical for so long until they finally realize that there is nothing else - and then that the physical alone wasn't as good as they thought. This is completely natural. Seriously, how can a person stay focused on getting to know someone when they are across the table giving you “that look”?
Make sure there is enough to move forward without the physical. Get to know him and let him get to know you - not your body.
Men are different than women. They think very linearly. With the physical removed, he can focus on getting to know who you really are, not just "how you are"... once the physical enters the picture, if he doesn't know you yet, he won't really get to know you. You have to see if he is willing to work for you. Your body is a precious gift. Make sure you only share it with people who are worthy.
And, there are only two sides to the line. Before the line is complete shomer negiah and on the other side is “Shucks! I really did want to stay abstinant until marriage!”. (To handle heated moments, see my last post re: the 48 hour rule” It may be a wide line, but those are the only two sides of it. I mean, let’s be serious, could you really just hold hands or hug and not go further?
I can also tell you this: Of all the people I have had this conversation with, quite a few have thanked me when they realized the person they almost "broke" with was NOT actually the person they were going to marry. I have also, unfortunately, had friends/clients who did "give in" who, once the relationship was over, wished they hadn't. I have never, in all my years of working with singles, had someone regret the decision NOT to be physical with someone until marriage.
Trust me: no touching is easier than a little touching.
I hope at least something here is helpful. I bench (bless) you that Hashem (G-d) helps you stay strong. I want you to know the simcha of knowing for sure that a person loves you for you and wants to commit to you because of who you are - not what you can do for/to them. That kind of physical connection is worth the wait - I promise!
If you need help with this - or any other issue in your dating life, feel free to browse our website or give us a call!
Telling yourself you won't be able to touch until you're married is very daunting. Try telling yourself (not your spouse) that you want to make sure there is a connection on all other levels before you fog it with physical intimacy.
Just focus on being abstinant “for now.” In other words, like when you are trying to push yourself to exercise, if you tell yourself you have to run 3 miles, you may never get off the couch, but if you tell yourself you need to get outside with your running shoes on, that is an easier goal - then, you tell yourself you need to run to the park and back. Once you get to the park, you are more likely to run around it once or twice, etc.
As you may (or may not) know, once a relationship goes physical, physicality defines the relationship for a bit of time. That's one way people end up in relationships that are purely physical for so long until they finally realize that there is nothing else - and then that the physical alone wasn't as good as they thought. This is completely natural. Seriously, how can a person stay focused on getting to know someone when they are across the table giving you “that look”?
Make sure there is enough to move forward without the physical. Get to know him and let him get to know you - not your body.
Men are different than women. They think very linearly. With the physical removed, he can focus on getting to know who you really are, not just "how you are"... once the physical enters the picture, if he doesn't know you yet, he won't really get to know you. You have to see if he is willing to work for you. Your body is a precious gift. Make sure you only share it with people who are worthy.
And, there are only two sides to the line. Before the line is complete shomer negiah and on the other side is “Shucks! I really did want to stay abstinant until marriage!”. (To handle heated moments, see my last post re: the 48 hour rule” It may be a wide line, but those are the only two sides of it. I mean, let’s be serious, could you really just hold hands or hug and not go further?
I can also tell you this: Of all the people I have had this conversation with, quite a few have thanked me when they realized the person they almost "broke" with was NOT actually the person they were going to marry. I have also, unfortunately, had friends/clients who did "give in" who, once the relationship was over, wished they hadn't. I have never, in all my years of working with singles, had someone regret the decision NOT to be physical with someone until marriage.
Trust me: no touching is easier than a little touching.
I hope at least something here is helpful. I bench (bless) you that Hashem (G-d) helps you stay strong. I want you to know the simcha of knowing for sure that a person loves you for you and wants to commit to you because of who you are - not what you can do for/to them. That kind of physical connection is worth the wait - I promise!
If you need help with this - or any other issue in your dating life, feel free to browse our website or give us a call!
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