"I couldn't say anything nice about him if I wanted to" she said to me.
It happens to be that in addition to having set him up a few times prior and always getting positive feedback about him, I know this guy personally. It happens to be, I dated him also. I know him to be a gentleman, kind, generous, thoughtful, funny and well mannered. He is a good listener and genuinely tries to find out about the person he is with.
Her, on the other hand, I don't know very well. But I know her better now than I did before this call started.
When you speak poorly about someone else, it says more about you than it says about them.
There is an old story about a wise man and his wife who set up their home in between two major cities. They had many guestrooms so that travelers between the two cities would be able to stay there. When people traveled from place A to place B, they would often ask the man or his wife, "Tell me, what are the people like where I am going?"
"I will tell you," answered the hosts. "First, please tell us what the people were like where you were."
When the travelers answered that the people in the first town were kind and generous and friendly, the hosts would answer, "So too the people where you are headed." But, when the travelers answered that the people from where they came were rude, stingy, self absorbed or unkind, the hosts also answered, "So too the people where you are headed."
How can the same people be both? They aren't. But the wise host understood that usually, our impressions of other people have much more to do with us than with the other people.
In order for a shadchan to be able to help you, they need to know what about your date was on target for you and what wasn't. But, they don't need to hear you complain about trivialities or personal dislikes with no real purpose. Before reporting back, ask yourself if this is something about the other person that is objectively rude or inconsiderate or if it is maybe just personal to you because of your sensitivities.
If you really believe that you are ALWAYS getting set up with people who are rude, inconsiderate, weird, too talkative, too nosey, or any other negative trait, maybe try to figure out how you present yourself in your profile, on the phone and on dates that would lead people to believe that what they are doing will impress you.
If you don't have anything nice to say about anyone, maybe take a good look at yourself.
If you think this through and still can't figure it out, BetterShidduchim.com is here to help. Schedule a free consultation today. www.BetterShidduchim.com.