"Good news! He really likes you. He wants to start seeing you twice a week instead of only once a week. What do you say?" I was excited to share the news with her. She really likes this guy. We've talked about him for many sessions. They've been going out for about a month and most of our conversations have involved how much she likes him and can see a future with him. I was expecting a shriek from the other end of the phone.
Instead, I got, "Twice a week? This week or every week?" I told her he wants to maintain a schedule of seeing her twice a week for now. Honestly, I couldn't understand her reaction. He works all day and then has to drive 45 minutes to pick her up, take her out, pay for the whole thing, drive her home, then drive back home, get to sleep and get up early the next morning. All she has to do is come home from work, freshen up her makeup and let him treat her like a queen.
"So, what do I do now?" she asked me. "Before I met him, you told me to fill my plate with other fabulous things. Guys like a woman with a full plate, right? That is what you told me. So, now my plate is full. I don't know if I have room on it for twice a week with him."
To me, this was a simple misunderstanding. "I did tell you guys like women with a full plate. There are many reasons for that. One is, a guy wants to know you have a life. At the beginning of a relationship, he wants to have to work to get into your schedule. He wants to know you are particular about who gets into your week. He wants to work for it and feel like he has actually won something when he gets time with you. If you are always available (sitting at home waiting for him to call) your "value" goes down in his mind. But, now you have done that. He sees that you have a life and he is working to get more of your time, to build something with you. So, now you have to decide, is your goal to be busy just to be busy or is your goal to get married and getting busy was part of the process of making that happen? You can't focus on the process if it will cost you your goal. You don't need more room on your plate. He doesn't belong on your plate. The US that you are creating together will support everything you do together in your future. Don't lose focus. Your relationship with him IS THE PLATE!
If you need help with this or any other aspect of dating, please visit us at www.BetterShidduchim.com.
Instead, I got, "Twice a week? This week or every week?" I told her he wants to maintain a schedule of seeing her twice a week for now. Honestly, I couldn't understand her reaction. He works all day and then has to drive 45 minutes to pick her up, take her out, pay for the whole thing, drive her home, then drive back home, get to sleep and get up early the next morning. All she has to do is come home from work, freshen up her makeup and let him treat her like a queen.
"So, what do I do now?" she asked me. "Before I met him, you told me to fill my plate with other fabulous things. Guys like a woman with a full plate, right? That is what you told me. So, now my plate is full. I don't know if I have room on it for twice a week with him."
To me, this was a simple misunderstanding. "I did tell you guys like women with a full plate. There are many reasons for that. One is, a guy wants to know you have a life. At the beginning of a relationship, he wants to have to work to get into your schedule. He wants to know you are particular about who gets into your week. He wants to work for it and feel like he has actually won something when he gets time with you. If you are always available (sitting at home waiting for him to call) your "value" goes down in his mind. But, now you have done that. He sees that you have a life and he is working to get more of your time, to build something with you. So, now you have to decide, is your goal to be busy just to be busy or is your goal to get married and getting busy was part of the process of making that happen? You can't focus on the process if it will cost you your goal. You don't need more room on your plate. He doesn't belong on your plate. The US that you are creating together will support everything you do together in your future. Don't lose focus. Your relationship with him IS THE PLATE!
If you need help with this or any other aspect of dating, please visit us at www.BetterShidduchim.com.
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